All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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