i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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