I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
