how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
