So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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