I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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