do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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