True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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