i barfeds in our rink
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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