I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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