Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
