she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
