"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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