Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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