I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
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I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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