We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
