i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
