Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
