i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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