i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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