I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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