I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
NoShamevember. You game?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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