i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
