dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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