apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
