dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
