where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
