If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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