Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
