last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
