You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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