Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
