The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
