You smell like stripper and shame
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
