guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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