i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
