Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
