About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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