I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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