And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
