i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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