If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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