I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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