My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
