Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
