I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
