i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
