hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
