She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
