the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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