Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
