and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
