who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize