I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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