She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
