I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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