Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was a blind-side dick pic.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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