Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
