I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
zippers are such a cool invention
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You pole danced in your parka.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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