Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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