The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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