good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
