i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize