Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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