Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
