She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
