It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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