I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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