I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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