It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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