is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
