I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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