mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
