is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
