My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
