Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
