1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
