Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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