your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
