Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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