thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
