For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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