CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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