I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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