woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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