You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
