and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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