I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
